I CAN'T WAIT FOR HARRISON TO GROW UP A LITTLE!!
There! I said it! Crucify me if you want to, but it's the truth. I've been saying since I was pregnant that I don't want to get stuck in the I-can't-wait-until mentality; I want to enjoy every stage of his life. I've been trying really hard too.
Every stage of baby/childhood has good and bad aspects; I understand this. But all of my friends with babies around his age seem so happy and in love with their babies. What's wrong with me? I have been putting so much pressure on myself to enjoy every little moment with him, that I feel guilty when I have moments of "get this baby away from me for, like, 10 minutes." I know some parents of older children, however, that said the baby stage wasn't their favorite either. They love their kids just as much as any other parent; they just had more fun with them when they got a little bit older. I've determined this is me! I know I love the toddler stage, and I want him there. Yes, he will be testing his limits, but I feel equipped to handle that. I can't wait until we can talk and dance and sing and run and play and INTERACT TOGETHER!
Before anyone freaks out and says, "But you will never get this time back! Enjoy it while you can!" Don't worry. I am! Trust me...whenever he smiles or laughs, whenever he falls asleep in my arms, whenever he babbles, whenever he gives me those oh-so-wonderful sloppy kisses, I DO enjoy it! I just won't let myself feel guilty anymore for the times I get frustrated when he fights sleep, fusses for reasons I can't find out, wakes up in the middle of the night for no reason, and cries because he wants you to hold him and stand up.
I will enjoy the times that are enjoyable, and look forward to future enjoyable times when life is currently unenjoyable.
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i totally understand. fox is not always a happy baby.. and we have rough days & nights (my camera captures the better, happier times). i also find myself daydreaming of when fox will not be so dependent of me. i loove him, don't get me wrong. and i love being with him. i have so many friends tho that just constantly complain about their babies & lack of sleep (they are also stay at home moms & their husbands do a lot of the household work) & complain about going crazy, but they go out every week & have mom time for themselves & do this & that.. and i'm like "wow, wish i had more mommy time or my husband helped out a little bit more". but my husband works full time, part time graphic designer, full time student, worship leader at church, husband & daddy.. so i don't complain about the little stuff i do. & to me they have it pretty good. haha! i hate to compare myself to them. and i know they love their babies.. but i hate to hear them complain. and i'm not trying to complain because i love what i do & i would take this over anything. i guess i just try to enjoy the good & the bad moments & try to have a better attitude about it & when i'm doing it bcuz if anything were ever to happen to fox, i don't want to live with regrets that i had a bad attitude about this or that. and the reason i am like that is because the morning that my mom "died/became unresponsive", i was so tired from lack of sleep & stress & basically being her 24/7 caregiver for 16 months, that i snapped at her & she told me not to talk to her that way.. in that tone. and a couple of hours later she "died/became unresponsive".. but officially died the next day. and i never officially apologized. yes, i was able to talk to her & tell her i loved her & her last words ever were that she loved me.. and i know she forgave me & knew that it was all hard on me & know she didn't hold it against me. but i still live with the regret & guilt over that. and i am so thankful for being her caregiver & being able to spend all that time with her.. and i wouldn't let anybody else care for her. and i'd do it all over again. so i choose not to complain or snap at my child or get so aggravated with him.. even tho, i've had chances to. haha! i just don't want to live with any more regret or guilt.
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